Day 9: poop. 

Listen. If you become a parent most of the first few years of your parenting life will be consumed with poop (pee too but that is way less traumatizing). My son would literally pee and poop on me EVERYDAY until he was 4 months old. My daughter has never peed or pooped on me (I think I have just become a master diaper changer at this point). I change diapers all day long. My son is 2 1/2 my goal was to have him potty trained before his sister was born. Let’s all laugh together. I have been trying to potty train him for almost a year…. that’s real. 

So he will use the toilet off and on but refuses to give up his diapers. Today after many days of refusing to use the potty he finally decides he’s ready to poop and pee on it. Of course I have a vet appointment in 20minutes, we are in the middle of scarfing down breakfast, and no one is in clothes…. but when he asks to use it you have to take him. I rush him upstairs (the only toilet he will use- even though we have three) get him on his potty and he pees right away. He then demands a jelly bean (don’t you dare judge me, he did the work he got a reward). After the jelly bean he decides he has to poop (I have to leave for the vet in 10 minutes). So we are sitting in the bathroom and he’s trying to poop and shoots me with pee on accident not once but twice. Yes twice. He decides he cannot poop on the potty because he’s afraid he will fall in and liberates himself to my bedroom without a diaper or pants to poop. Yes he wanted to poop in my bedroom. So I am chasing my half naked toddler around (I have to leave in 5 minutes) and I finally catch him as he’s crouching down with half a turd hanging out of his butt. I try to get him on the toilet but he’s bawling that he is too scared so I put a diaper on him and let him finish pooping. I then have to change him and go to take his pirate potty insert off of the toilet and get pee all over myself for the third time… I just stood there looking at myself in the mirror with pee on my pants, dark circles under my eyes, no make up and a messy mom bun thinking “this is my life”.

I did make it to the vet on time though. So you know that was my win today. 

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